


Hinahanap Ka Pa Rin (Ng Aking Puso)

by leehvukjae



Category: offgun
Genre: Angst, M/M, kasalanan ni taylor swift, may character death uunahan ko na po kau, or ng kodaline JK
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25748914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leehvukjae/pseuds/leehvukjae
Summary: on this day, off had chosen to give gun his most favorite flowers, daises.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Hinahanap Ka Pa Rin (Ng Aking Puso)

**Author's Note:**

> hello wag niyo po akong awayin ang tagal kong may writer's block sisihin niyo otp prompt sa tumblr CHAR

off is not a florist... but he finds himself learning about different flowers from time to time. it didn't really interest him at first that much but it kinda grew on him kasi paboritong hobby ni gun mangolekta ng iba't ibang klase ng bulaklak.

kaya naman araw-araw din siyang nagpupunta ng flower shop para bumili ng floral arrangement at ibigay 'yun kay gun. for this day, he had chosen to give him a bouquet of dasies... kasi 'yun 'yung paborito niyang bulaklak.

pumasok si off sa flower shop and the bell chimes as he opens the door. the owner immediately recognizes him kaya binati siya nito agad. nginitian naman siya ni off.

"anong atin today?" tanong ni alice. medyo naging close na rin kasi sila ni off dahil sa araw-araw na pagpunta nito sa flower shop niya.

"dasies..." sabi ni off. tumango si alice sakanya at ginawan siya ng floral arrangement. pagkatapos niyang gawin 'yun... alice looked at him with melancholy in her eyes.

"you really love him, 'no?" sabi ni alice. off just nodded at ngumiti sakanya ng malungkot bago umalis.

"sobra."

*

it didn't took him long to drive towards the place where gun is. thursday kasi ngayon, at talagang nagabsent siya para ibigay 'yung mga bulaklak kay gun.

pagkatapos niyang magpark ng kotse, agad siyang naglakad papunta kay gun. pero noong malapit na siya, binagalan ni off ang lakad... para bang sinasariwa 'yung mga alaala niya noong kasama niya pa si gun.

huminto si off sa pamilyar na lugar at lumuhod. dahan dahan niyang ibinaba 'yung dala niyang mga bulaklak sa tabi ng pangalan ni gun.

sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, walang araw na hindi pumunta si off dito para kausapin ang lapida ni gun. it gives him warmth and comfort no matter what kind of day he had. it also doesn't matter kung maaraw o maulan... basta ang importante, makapunta siya. kasi ayaw niyang baliin 'yung pangako niya kay gun.

"hi... dinala ko 'yung favorite mong flowers," bati ni off. the wind suddenly sways with the wind as if it was gun's way of greeting him back. "i know it only started as a joke nung nasa ospital ka pa... 'yung araw araw akong pupunta dito... pero i've kept that promise, gun... because only in this way I could make it up to you for all the awful things that I did,

"i miss you so bad..." off says with a heavy feeling. "so bad... gun. i miss you everyday before I eat... every night before I sleep... every second before I make awful decisions again... sa bawat parte ng condo ko, pakiramdam ko nandun ka pa rin. only if i had one day to get a wish, hihilingin ko talagang makasama ka ulit... kasi ang dami pa nating hindi nagagawa ng magkasama, ang dami pa nating pangarap na aabutin... mga pangakong tutuparin... but here I am, doing all of those things alone,

"only if I can take away the pain... I really will. you would probably hate me for this... but there's honestly no morning na hindi ako umiiyak kasi sa araw-araw na gumigising ako gun, ikaw una kong naalala," humikbi si off. hindi na rin niya namalayan... pero tuloy-tuloy na rin pala 'yung mga patak ng luha niya. "I don't want to let go of our memories gun... not yet... not when I still love you this much,

"kung nandito ka siguro sa tabi ko ngayon, papagalitan mo ako for making everything hard for myself..." off sighed and sadly smiles. "but to be honest... ever since I've lost you... everything became so hard. I've lost a part of my life... and I honestly don't know kung paano ako makakamove on...

"You've told me several times to find someone else... someone else who would make me happier than you did," pinunasan ni off ang mga luhang tumulo na sa mga mata niya. "eh gun, ginawa ko naman lahat eh. pero wala pa ring makakapantay sayo eh... walang wala," ani off habang umiiling at patuloy pa rin ang pagagos ng luha sa mga mata niya. he told himself before going here na hindi na siya iiyak... but maybe he betrayed himself again for the nth time. "mahal na mahal kita, gun... mahal na mahal. walang makakapantay sayo, love," hinaplos ni off ang lapida ni gun kung nasaan nakaburda ang mga pangalan niya. "walang wala,"

losing a loved one hurts so much... but maybe it hurted off more because he only has gun in his life. his parents are already gone... and his partner too. for the past three years na nawala si gun, talagang ramdam ni off na mag-isa na lang siya. pakiramdam niya nga, wala na siyang purpose para mabuhay pa eh, kasi wala na rin naman siyang kasama tumupad ng mga pangarap na binuo niya.

"happiest birthday, love," sabi ni off as he bitterly smiled. "we could've celebrated your 27th birthday in an orphanage today as you've planned... but I guess I'll be doing that alone now, huh?

"ang daya mo naman eh," sabi ni off. "marami pa tayong plano sa mga susunod mong birthday eh... bakit naman iniwan mo akong mag-isa?"

meron kasi silang bucketlist ni gun for every of his birthdays. it may seem funny when they planned for it, but now that gun is gone, off couldn't find a reason to laugh at it anymore... instead, tinutupad niya 'yun every year, because that would make gun happy... and also because bago mawala si gun, pinangako 'yun ni off sakanya.

"guess I'll just be back tomorrow," ngumiti si off. "feeling ko galit ka, kasi umiyak nanaman ako. pero pagbigyan mo na ako, gun. birthday mo naman eh," off laughs bitterly. "happy birthday again, gun. I'll go straight to the orphanage home after this... please always look after me... hmm? let's always celebrate your birthday together, ha?" tumayo na si off mula sa pagkakaluhod at bago umalis, nginitian niya ulit ang lapida ni gun.

"and no... gun. I will never stop doing this even if that's what you want. I will always be here for you even if you're not here anymore. remember that,"


End file.
